Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
