that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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