Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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