I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
