if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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