And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
