I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
