I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
