you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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