Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
