I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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