Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
