Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
