just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.