NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
