I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices