i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter