That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh