I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to have your abortion
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.