The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.