what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.