I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.