i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
