I cockslap morals
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
