We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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