My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
