They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
