Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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