ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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