Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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