My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
