I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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