Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
