Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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