matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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