He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
