Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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