people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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