ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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