i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
