My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
