I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
