just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
