I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
