Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
