My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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