you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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