And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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