Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
