I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
