That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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