You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
