I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
