i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
