I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
