On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
