They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
