She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
