My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
