i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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