he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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