the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
