so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
