Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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