You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't notice because vodka
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
