***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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