I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
