Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
