Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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