i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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