I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
