Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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