Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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