she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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