I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
