Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
