oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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