If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
