I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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