I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
