well I can't set my house on fire every night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
