Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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