I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
