I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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