So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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