I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
