Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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