Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
