K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
