What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
