New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
